The hot Texas sun felt good that saturday sitting in my backyard watching the wind rustling the weeds and the bugs flying around the junk---normally try to stay out of it with my aging skin...but needed the comfort of it. I was in a funk....made myself depressed because i'd 'decided' not to go to the WFE set in georgia to possibly glimpse rob.....it was the responsible thing...not going. bills to pay...joints to protect...son to bail out...laundry to avoid...dinner to burn...$ that needed saving for yearly camping trip with two grudging and griping sons...oh joy! but the day before, i had thought i'd go, and had been busy making plans........got work covered, bills put off, dragged out natty sleeping bag cuz i camp everytime i travel($), hocked the grandkids, bought a case of coke zero & a 6-pack of stella, shaved my legs. then the guilt set in...while sitting in the waiting room at the tire shop....always get a new set of used tires when traveling.....the boys 'need' their yearly camping trip! and the car won't do 2 vacations....it grudgingly does 1! you selfish horny bitch--get it together man--you have Responsibilities--grow the F up!!! same mantra i try to live by. so i funked myself into insomnia and drug myself outta bed to contemplate the weeds. how beautiful they seemed waving in the morning breeze with sunbeams sparkling on their downy and spindly parts.....the weeds are the prettiest thing about my yard...they have flowers! so i don't mow them! but all day saturday the urge to just go! to tennessee grew stronger......Rob was within driving distance of me and i wasn't going? Rob......my all-consuming passion......who i'd been so obsessed with formonths...who had reignited a flame of passion for life in my soul? i didn't care anymore how lame that was....i had become unashamed in my fervent 'fanhood'....had come clean about my 'true' feelings for rob to my dumbfounded kids....the cat was totally outta the bag! so why the hell NOT go!?!!! then i thought that perhaps it wasn't allowed, and i would only be adding to the madness of his life...despair! so i made some inquiries on the robsessed fan site and some dear lady gave me a link....location vacations....and i read the blogs which just happened to have been joined by a person from the WFE shoot who was explaining about rob's day in georgia. i inquired as to if it were possible to have a legitimate viewing of the shoot...if it were allowed...in tenn when filming resumed there on monday...i knew rob was off on weekends...as i would be driving 1200 miles to get ther and didn't want to go if this was not allowed. the reply from this person was 'look for the benzini bros. circus train and good luck!' well halleluyah! then i told my sons...needless to say **it hit the fan! guilt again...changed my mind again & was so depressed i couldn't even go to my fav rob distraction...robsessed. then sunday morning i cheered up quite a bit when i opened my laptop and there were the sepia pics...my fav pics for drooling...of'ab'bey rob! and the clip! blown up bigger of 'the kiss!'...and i thought WHAT THE H.E.DOUBLEL. are you still doing here???!!! reloaded the crapmobile...coke zero & stella & peanut butter & apples....and took off, leaving a voicemail for absent son.

the drive was uneventful thru texas. just face south...turn east...drive straight...the road's straight...everything's flat for frickinever...but makes an easy ride...unless u haven't slept for two days...then it's just sooo hypnotic it's hard to stay awake! so i cranked up the tunes & ate ice & fireballs...blasted a/c in my face & rocked out all the way! took a few catnaps by the roadside...lots of rest areas on the interstate & the presence of all the truckers in their rumbling trucks kept me safe enuf. it's cool driving at night...the road is mostly full of truckers, and they know how to drive, so you don't have to worry about people who don't...if you're going 80 mph...it's a good idea to have 8 car lengths between ya..not 1...ok people? oh, and there's a conspiracy going on in the entire state of mississippi to take over the interstate highways...which are not state owned people!...unless you are in mario andretti's car with mario andretti driving...or you own a plane-car, you absolutely CANNOT pass...they frickin drive in the frickin passing lane 30 miles below the frickin speed limit next to another frickin car in the rt hand lane doing the same thing. like it's their frickin road & you will by damn drive at their speed whether you like it or not! they are serious about keeping you in mississippi...permanently. just go around mississippi. it'll be faster. trust me.

The sky was still dark...a faint bluish tint on the horizon...the stars brilliant in the sky...as i was driving thru alabama...now facing directly toward chattanooga....and all of a sudden there were flashes across the sky....brilliant! falling stars! OVER my destination! like the heavens were pointing the way...or lighting the sky above the point on this earth where another brilliant star laid his head...Here, dear world, is your beloved Rob in all his glory...and we the stars celebrate with you the wonder of him!!! they continued on for an hour i swear...my heart was swollen with the symbolism of it...and began beating faster as i got closer to tennessee. Chattanooga!!! on the mileage signs now...omg i'l be there soon...

The sky grew lavender, the trees and hills more dense...fog and mist were rising from the ground...the mountains were in view...and in the low sections the view of them was breathtaking. still lavender, with fog in their low parts...and low clouds and mist covering their tops...mesmerizing. i was driving into another world it seemed...a magical world of mist and dreams...

then the sun was in the sky, but behind the dewy clouds...round, perfectly round, but soft, illuminating the mist...a backlight to the misty fog meeting the misty clouds over the lush mountains and meadows. It was a brilliant sight, and seemed so fitting...a beautiful soft introduction to the experience that lay before me. A tribute and celebration of a day dawning in Chattanooga...the city that was host to an angel.